make this place your home.

I'm gonna make this place your home...

It is coming upon the one year anniversary of my Grandma passing away. One year ago, one of the most loving and beautiful women I know was prepping for a trip to California from Arkansas. She started the trip on July 16 and was in a car accident and was killed immediately. This was one of the hardest days of my life. My grandma was coming to my wedding, she was coming to celebrate me and my soon to be husband. I was devastated. Hate to say it, I still am. I still remember what I was doing at that specific moment when my dad called to tell me to go home. Immediately. The minute I hung up, I looked at c and said, "I think my Grandma died." He was so unsure how I knew, but I knew. I still remember seeing my brother's truck as I pulled up, I still remember my mom putting the groceries away in the freezer, and I still remember the tone in her voice when she told me. I even remember when the parish coordinator came over to give his condolences. Every single bit of that day will never fade from me. I honestly relive it every time I think about it.

Now, you may be wondering why I am bringing up such a morbid and hard time in my life. I am sure that some of you (whoever reads this) have heard the song, Home by Phillip Phillips. The first lines of his song are, "hold on to me as we go. As we roll down this unfamiliar road." Yes, grief and death are a daily and natural occurrence-but when it is happening to you, it is the most unfamiliar road you can go down. No matter how many funerals you have been to, it is always a new road of grief and hurt that you go down.

Next, Phillip Phillips sings; " And althought this wave is stringing us along, Just know your not alone, Cause I'm gonna make this place your home." This wave of grief is still with me, I am still sad and upset a year later. But this wave I am on, has helped me through so much. This grief and reality of my Grandma going to meet the Lord has become my home. It's the home and reality I live in.

C and I got married 11 days later, as hard and devestating it was not having her at our wedding, we know she had a front row seat with the Big Man upstairs. And ever since our wedding day and ever since the day she passed the Lord has allowed so many people to love us, so many people to comfort us and has showed me so many ways to make this reality my life and home.

motherhood

Now that the hustle and bustle is over. We have a beautiful baby girl, and we couldn't be happier.

Many say, "I don't want to be like my mother or father when I grow up." There are little quirks and mannerisms that maybe push us off to not want to be like them in that way. I can honestly say I never said that, or at least I don't remember saying that... My mom is my best friend and yes sometimes we drive each other nuts, but needless to say I don't know where I would be without her. I never realized quite how much I was like my mother though, until Emmalynn came along. I can see the way I talk to Emmalynn, the way I love her and even the way I interact with others makes me a spinning image of my mother.

It's amazing how this plays out in our lives. Growing up I thought that I would be totally different, never show this much similarity to my mother. But lo and behold here I am a mother myself, and following in a great example of motherhoods footsteps.

Motherhood has been such a gift and blessing, I only pray that I can live out the love and beauty that my mother so constantly showed me. She was a true example of Mary's love and I pray that I can love Emmalynn the way my mother showed me how to love.


Here's to motherhood.