Clearly, I haven't been consistent. Although, daily, while doing things around the house, farm chores or watching the kids I think, well this would make a great post. Hopefully, this pandemic will get me back into it.
Well, you read that right, this pandemic. Coronavirus. Covid-19. What a strange world we are living in.
We have been under 'Stay-at-home' orders since March, and hopefully coming off of it in a week or two. PRAISE the LORD. Looks like things will maintain the same- masks in public, limited amount of people in buildings... oye. Friday, is E's Kinder Celebration and I have all sorts of feels. I just can't believe we are at that point. Like, boom. School's done.
BUT one thing in this that I am grateful for... the time to be with each other. The time to be grateful for US. The time to really make memories and not take for granted our family.
A motto for our family has ALWAYS been, "you may not have it all, but together we have it all" and it plays even more true NOW. When people are stocking up on toilet paper, stocking up on cleaning supplies, stocking up on meats and chicken. We may not have it all.... but we do. I have everything I need under my roof. I have everything I need in my arms every day.
And, lastly, as much as I want to think about the future.... I need to be where my feet are. be with my kids. Be in the NOW. be HERE.
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Funny enough, I have been thinking about writing again. The past year and a half alone has been a wild ride. One that when I was living in California, I could NEVER have fathomed honestly.
Never when I said I would move to PA to be with Christopher, did I ever think that we would...
- have to drive to the fire station for water for the whole property (horses, toilets, cooking water on the wood burning stove...)
- Had to drive to the fire station for a shower
- had to have a full tank of gas so the kids could watch a movie and I could charge my phone.
- had to cook on the wood burning stove
- haul trees away at 23 weeks pregnant so we can have access to the main road
- hide in our hallway because there was tornado like winds hitting our property
- so much more.
Half the things that have happened I kind of sit back and can't believe that I am living this life.
Most of the time after I finish something, especially something I never could have seen myself doing... I just kind of sit in disbelief. Like this is my life. I really am a farm wife. I never ever thought those words would come out of my mouth lol.
Like today, we had about 10 trees down in one of the horse pastures, C was out cutting them off the fence line so the horses could be turned out there. I knew the job would go faster if I helped. So, little ole California me put on my boots, doused myself in bug spray (I am like a dessert tray to every insect alive) and went out and helped dear hubby. I wasn't doing much but it was enough that it expedited the work on a humid hot day.
So here's to doing things that aren't always on the list of to-dos or things I never saw myself doing. And here's to bringing back my day to day life of a farm life.
here.we.go.
Never when I said I would move to PA to be with Christopher, did I ever think that we would...
- have to drive to the fire station for water for the whole property (horses, toilets, cooking water on the wood burning stove...)
- Had to drive to the fire station for a shower
- had to have a full tank of gas so the kids could watch a movie and I could charge my phone.
- had to cook on the wood burning stove
- haul trees away at 23 weeks pregnant so we can have access to the main road
- hide in our hallway because there was tornado like winds hitting our property
- so much more.
Half the things that have happened I kind of sit back and can't believe that I am living this life.
Most of the time after I finish something, especially something I never could have seen myself doing... I just kind of sit in disbelief. Like this is my life. I really am a farm wife. I never ever thought those words would come out of my mouth lol.
Like today, we had about 10 trees down in one of the horse pastures, C was out cutting them off the fence line so the horses could be turned out there. I knew the job would go faster if I helped. So, little ole California me put on my boots, doused myself in bug spray (I am like a dessert tray to every insect alive) and went out and helped dear hubby. I wasn't doing much but it was enough that it expedited the work on a humid hot day.
So here's to doing things that aren't always on the list of to-dos or things I never saw myself doing. And here's to bringing back my day to day life of a farm life.
here.we.go.
Friday, January 3, 2014
regret
It has been a while since I last wrote something.
Lately, with this new year upon us, I have really got myself to thinking. I think my least favorite question of all time is, "Is there anything you regret?" I finally have come up with an answer to this, yes. Here's just a few:
- I regret the times that I thought one person was more important than others.
- I regret letting my stubbornness get in the way of me.
- I regret not keeping in touch with some people and letting those relationship diminish.
- I regret not fully allowing myself to be me.
- I regret not calling more.
With this new year in place I realize it is a time to start anew, even though each and every day we are offered this same opportunity. But I jumped on the bandwagon and decided that New Year means new goals, and a new look on the way things are. I have been feeling really down on myself for these regrets. Thinking if only I did this or that things would be different. BUT that is exactly it, they would be different. I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now. I may not have C by my side. I may not have E in our lives. But you see without those 'regrets' I wouldn't be pushing myself now, I wouldn't be formed into who I am today due to those 'regrets.'
Here is to the new year, with new goals, and new ideas. Here's to letting our actions and distractions form us into the people that the Lord has called us to be and is forming us to be. Here's to twenty-fourteen.
Lately, with this new year upon us, I have really got myself to thinking. I think my least favorite question of all time is, "Is there anything you regret?" I finally have come up with an answer to this, yes. Here's just a few:
- I regret the times that I thought one person was more important than others.
- I regret letting my stubbornness get in the way of me.
- I regret not keeping in touch with some people and letting those relationship diminish.
- I regret not fully allowing myself to be me.
- I regret not calling more.
With this new year in place I realize it is a time to start anew, even though each and every day we are offered this same opportunity. But I jumped on the bandwagon and decided that New Year means new goals, and a new look on the way things are. I have been feeling really down on myself for these regrets. Thinking if only I did this or that things would be different. BUT that is exactly it, they would be different. I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now. I may not have C by my side. I may not have E in our lives. But you see without those 'regrets' I wouldn't be pushing myself now, I wouldn't be formed into who I am today due to those 'regrets.'
Here is to the new year, with new goals, and new ideas. Here's to letting our actions and distractions form us into the people that the Lord has called us to be and is forming us to be. Here's to twenty-fourteen.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
inspiration.
On Monday, I got something called a Happy Mommy Box. It was the sweetest thing ever and had items just for me and E. One of the gifts inside of it was a necklace by Caroline G. I started to follow this woman on Instagram, and needless to say, she inspired me. She has been giving away coffees at Starbucks, Balloons just because. It is truly an inspiration.
So many times in our day to day routine we are just stagnant and trying to get by. I know that I come home and see E and am more than excited. But I find myself in this rut every day. I am dragging my feet through the day and just trying to get to Friday for the weekend. But this week changed after getting the necklace from Caroline G and from seeing her Instagram account.
So after seeing this, it inspired me. Why aren't we doing more things just out of the kindness of our hearts? Why aren't we motivated to do things for others, just because. On Thursday I started my day by buying a coffee for the man behind me at Dunkin Donuts. I didn't know him. He didn't ask for it. I am sure that it was just his routine coffee day. I wanted to do something nice.
This changed my day. It gave me a new perspective. I was so happy and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. It motivated me and drove me that day. Why aren't we doing more random acts of kindness in our weekly routines and day to day routines.
So now, I have made the decision that once a week. Once a week, I am going to start doing a random act of kindness. Someone could be having the worst day ever. Someone could just need a little love in their life. Could you imagine what could happen if everyone started doing one random act of kindness a week?
I hope that I can show someone love by my actions.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
make this place your home.
I'm gonna make this place your home...
It is coming upon the one year anniversary of my Grandma passing away. One year ago, one of the most loving and beautiful women I know was prepping for a trip to California from Arkansas. She started the trip on July 16 and was in a car accident and was killed immediately. This was one of the hardest days of my life. My grandma was coming to my wedding, she was coming to celebrate me and my soon to be husband. I was devastated. Hate to say it, I still am. I still remember what I was doing at that specific moment when my dad called to tell me to go home. Immediately. The minute I hung up, I looked at c and said, "I think my Grandma died." He was so unsure how I knew, but I knew. I still remember seeing my brother's truck as I pulled up, I still remember my mom putting the groceries away in the freezer, and I still remember the tone in her voice when she told me. I even remember when the parish coordinator came over to give his condolences. Every single bit of that day will never fade from me. I honestly relive it every time I think about it.
Now, you may be wondering why I am bringing up such a morbid and hard time in my life. I am sure that some of you (whoever reads this) have heard the song, Home by Phillip Phillips. The first lines of his song are, "hold on to me as we go. As we roll down this unfamiliar road." Yes, grief and death are a daily and natural occurrence-but when it is happening to you, it is the most unfamiliar road you can go down. No matter how many funerals you have been to, it is always a new road of grief and hurt that you go down.
Next, Phillip Phillips sings; " And althought this wave is stringing us along, Just know your not alone, Cause I'm gonna make this place your home." This wave of grief is still with me, I am still sad and upset a year later. But this wave I am on, has helped me through so much. This grief and reality of my Grandma going to meet the Lord has become my home. It's the home and reality I live in.
C and I got married 11 days later, as hard and devestating it was not having her at our wedding, we know she had a front row seat with the Big Man upstairs. And ever since our wedding day and ever since the day she passed the Lord has allowed so many people to love us, so many people to comfort us and has showed me so many ways to make this reality my life and home.
It is coming upon the one year anniversary of my Grandma passing away. One year ago, one of the most loving and beautiful women I know was prepping for a trip to California from Arkansas. She started the trip on July 16 and was in a car accident and was killed immediately. This was one of the hardest days of my life. My grandma was coming to my wedding, she was coming to celebrate me and my soon to be husband. I was devastated. Hate to say it, I still am. I still remember what I was doing at that specific moment when my dad called to tell me to go home. Immediately. The minute I hung up, I looked at c and said, "I think my Grandma died." He was so unsure how I knew, but I knew. I still remember seeing my brother's truck as I pulled up, I still remember my mom putting the groceries away in the freezer, and I still remember the tone in her voice when she told me. I even remember when the parish coordinator came over to give his condolences. Every single bit of that day will never fade from me. I honestly relive it every time I think about it.
Now, you may be wondering why I am bringing up such a morbid and hard time in my life. I am sure that some of you (whoever reads this) have heard the song, Home by Phillip Phillips. The first lines of his song are, "hold on to me as we go. As we roll down this unfamiliar road." Yes, grief and death are a daily and natural occurrence-but when it is happening to you, it is the most unfamiliar road you can go down. No matter how many funerals you have been to, it is always a new road of grief and hurt that you go down.
Next, Phillip Phillips sings; " And althought this wave is stringing us along, Just know your not alone, Cause I'm gonna make this place your home." This wave of grief is still with me, I am still sad and upset a year later. But this wave I am on, has helped me through so much. This grief and reality of my Grandma going to meet the Lord has become my home. It's the home and reality I live in.
C and I got married 11 days later, as hard and devestating it was not having her at our wedding, we know she had a front row seat with the Big Man upstairs. And ever since our wedding day and ever since the day she passed the Lord has allowed so many people to love us, so many people to comfort us and has showed me so many ways to make this reality my life and home.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
motherhood
Now that the hustle and bustle is over. We have a beautiful baby girl, and we couldn't be happier.
Many say, "I don't want to be like my mother or father when I grow up." There are little quirks and mannerisms that maybe push us off to not want to be like them in that way. I can honestly say I never said that, or at least I don't remember saying that... My mom is my best friend and yes sometimes we drive each other nuts, but needless to say I don't know where I would be without her. I never realized quite how much I was like my mother though, until Emmalynn came along. I can see the way I talk to Emmalynn, the way I love her and even the way I interact with others makes me a spinning image of my mother.
It's amazing how this plays out in our lives. Growing up I thought that I would be totally different, never show this much similarity to my mother. But lo and behold here I am a mother myself, and following in a great example of motherhoods footsteps.
Motherhood has been such a gift and blessing, I only pray that I can live out the love and beauty that my mother so constantly showed me. She was a true example of Mary's love and I pray that I can love Emmalynn the way my mother showed me how to love.
Here's to motherhood.
Many say, "I don't want to be like my mother or father when I grow up." There are little quirks and mannerisms that maybe push us off to not want to be like them in that way. I can honestly say I never said that, or at least I don't remember saying that... My mom is my best friend and yes sometimes we drive each other nuts, but needless to say I don't know where I would be without her. I never realized quite how much I was like my mother though, until Emmalynn came along. I can see the way I talk to Emmalynn, the way I love her and even the way I interact with others makes me a spinning image of my mother.
It's amazing how this plays out in our lives. Growing up I thought that I would be totally different, never show this much similarity to my mother. But lo and behold here I am a mother myself, and following in a great example of motherhoods footsteps.
Motherhood has been such a gift and blessing, I only pray that I can live out the love and beauty that my mother so constantly showed me. She was a true example of Mary's love and I pray that I can love Emmalynn the way my mother showed me how to love.
Here's to motherhood.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
moving on
On Friday/Saturday my childhood home will no longer be 'home' for me. I know there shouldn't be this much attachment to something material, but so many memories and milestones have happened in that house.
From one of my closest friends pulling around the corner at 12 am to get IN N OUT because it was just one of those days, to laying a blanket out back to look at the stars... from sitting with family on the back porch to pouring my heart out to a boy in the living room that I would soon come to know would break my heart (not c)...from hearing my brothers play guitar in the hallway (as I was supposed to be asleep) to practicing basketball in the garage to hopefully make the team...which I didn't. From coming home for the first time in college... to getting ready for my wedding day.I could go on for days and if the walls could talk, I am sure they would have more stories that I could put into words. Those walls hold so many memories, so much love, they just hold so much.
It brings me so much joy to know the family that will be moving into my childhood home... and it makes me realize that 'home' is only a word that we define. Home isn't necessarily a location. Home is a place you find in your heart. Home is a million locations. Home is an hour long conversation with your older brother when you have only ever talked for 10 minutes on the phone. Home is calling mom every day. Home is picture messages of your nieces and nephews. Home is what you make it to be.
It is a great realization as I start to finish preparing for our little Junebug to come into our lives. I have begun to start thinking how this is her first home. It won't be her forever home and she won't have the attachment of this apartment as I did...
but eventually I pray she comes to the realization that home is truly where we are. Home is where we find our comfort. Sure in Rancho Cucamonga and all that is in it, will always be my 'hometown' and will always be where I grew up and will always have a very very special place in my heart. But I am so glad to be realizing that 'home' isn't necessarily that house that I lived in for 23 years.
Home is so much more.
----------------------------------
38weeks.
just waiting.
fudge ripple ice cream. yum.
her room...done.
momma. prepared.
daddy. prepared.
maternity leave. started.
ready for her? yes.
absolute days she can't come. June 1-June 2.
From one of my closest friends pulling around the corner at 12 am to get IN N OUT because it was just one of those days, to laying a blanket out back to look at the stars... from sitting with family on the back porch to pouring my heart out to a boy in the living room that I would soon come to know would break my heart (not c)...from hearing my brothers play guitar in the hallway (as I was supposed to be asleep) to practicing basketball in the garage to hopefully make the team...which I didn't. From coming home for the first time in college... to getting ready for my wedding day.I could go on for days and if the walls could talk, I am sure they would have more stories that I could put into words. Those walls hold so many memories, so much love, they just hold so much.
It brings me so much joy to know the family that will be moving into my childhood home... and it makes me realize that 'home' is only a word that we define. Home isn't necessarily a location. Home is a place you find in your heart. Home is a million locations. Home is an hour long conversation with your older brother when you have only ever talked for 10 minutes on the phone. Home is calling mom every day. Home is picture messages of your nieces and nephews. Home is what you make it to be.
It is a great realization as I start to finish preparing for our little Junebug to come into our lives. I have begun to start thinking how this is her first home. It won't be her forever home and she won't have the attachment of this apartment as I did...
but eventually I pray she comes to the realization that home is truly where we are. Home is where we find our comfort. Sure in Rancho Cucamonga and all that is in it, will always be my 'hometown' and will always be where I grew up and will always have a very very special place in my heart. But I am so glad to be realizing that 'home' isn't necessarily that house that I lived in for 23 years.
Home is so much more.
----------------------------------
38weeks.
just waiting.
fudge ripple ice cream. yum.
her room...done.
momma. prepared.
daddy. prepared.
maternity leave. started.
ready for her? yes.
absolute days she can't come. June 1-June 2.
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